Bitaw

Nais ko pa sanang humawak ng mahigpit
Kaya ko pa naman kahit mapagod at mangawit
Kakayanin ko pa kahit alam ko ayaw mo na
Kakayanin ko basta maging masaya

Pero...kaso...mali pala
Mali kasi hindi totoong masaya
Hindi kailangan manatili sa tabi mo
Hindi dapat laging sa iyo lang ako


OO importante maging masaya
Pero paano kung dahil doon ako ay naging tanga
Hindi ko yata kaya
Hindi ko tama

Kaya bibitaw na ako
Iiyak na lang muna
Masakit pero kakayanin ko
Sasanayin ko ulit na wala ka

Bibitaw na ko sa mahigpit na kapit
Masakit, mahirap
Bibitaw na ko, saka na muna ako sasaya
Ngayon bibitaw muna

I L U S Y O N

Isang katangahan
Iyon ang katotohanan
Bakit ba kasi kailangan ko pang malaman
Bakit hindi ko kayang burahin
Sa isang mensahe
Simpleng tanong
Puno ng pag aalala
Sabi ko malaman lang na ayos ka
Titigil ko na
Tang ina hindi pala ganoon kadali
Sabi ko hindi na hahapdi
Gaga lang pala ako
Kumapit sa kasiyahan pansumandali
Sabi ko sanay na
Sabi ko bukas normal na
Kaso eto tanga uli
Umaasang puso nangungulit
Kaya ikaw utak dapat mamayani
Kasi tarantado puso ko maling mali
Ilusyon lang to ipagdikdikan mo
Durugin mo na puso basta yang utak buo
Titigil na pag asa
Lunas sa ilusyon wala na
Gigising na lang para bukas
Malay mo ayos na
Sana bukas totoo ayos na.

Positive

I never thought the word positive will be the much dreaded word of this lifetime. I never knew that word will hurt me and break me like I was never broken before.

When I heard that NY is fastly becoming the epicenter of this pandemic, I didn't doubt myself when I decided to reconnect. I knew I would totally regret it if I didn't do anything just to make sure you're okay. And I was glad, so super glad you are doing fine. Perfectly fine that you are still out there doing the job. I got worried who doesn't and the fact that after all those years of avoiding just that name on my phone, I finally had to sent that simple "how are you?"

I am not religious, but eversince this pandemic started, every night I keep praying that soon this will be stopped. I prayed for all world, for all those who are suffering but I put more importance on you.

But soon, I broke down because, now positive is no longer a happy word. I know what I feel is a thousand more worse than what your family feels. I just hope I could tell you this is the worst feeling I've felt in a lifetime.

I have a lot of wish. I wish I could feel your hands intertwined with mine. I wish I could touch your face, I wish I could hug you so like I won't ever let go. But now my single most wanted wish is for you to get better even if I lose all those wishes just so they can grant that one.